Do you see me?
Every young woman desires to be seen.
There is something ingrained in the heart of us that just aches for attention. We long to be truly noticed. One question that we, as women, are constantly asking is: Do you see me?
This may seem obvious if one simply considers how much time, money, and effort most of us spend on our appearance.
We long for someone to look at us and not just see our outfit, what we did with our hair, or how our makeup job turned out. We want someone to look at us and actually see us.
To some of you, this might resonate very deeply. You know how much this desire to be seen has played into your own life. You know that if fulfilled in the right ways, this desire can be beautiful. You know what it is like to experience the loving gaze of another, be it your family, your closest friends, or your significant other. For instance, think of those moments when your parents compliment you or when a stranger notices something about you. Such a comment is like a gentle rain to a growing flower. Why? Is it because you are vain and like to hear others praise you? Or because you are insecure and need others to affirm you? Or could it be that you, as a young woman, simply have a need to be truly seen just like flowers have a need to be watered?
To others of you, this might sound way off the rails. The concept might even sound terrifying. You know what it is like to experience the rejection of another. You know how painful it felt when your family, your closest friends, or your significant other made fun of your appearance, your personality, your hopes and dreams, your fears, your sense of humor, or any part of yourself that you shared with them. You might now be thinking: Why would I ever want to be seen? Being seen leads to getting hurt, and I don’t want to get hurt. Or, perhaps few people ever even really looked at you at all. To them, you were practically invisible, not worth noticing, certainly not worth the time to be seen. But you are worth noticing. You might never have experienced the gentle rain of being seen by another in your past. Your growth as a young flower might have been much harder than it should have been. But you are still a flower, and you still need to be watered. You still desire to be seen.
The problem for all of us women is that we often attempt to fulfill this desire in the wrong way, in the wrong people, or at the wrong time. Especially if you have been starved from water for too long, it can be easy to settle for less than what we know we long for, what we know we need. Where is it that you settle? What is it that you do in your desperation to be seen?
It can be tempting to want to wear clothing that shows more of our body because that seems to get attention. But this attention can be superficial.
It can be tempting to want to allow certain things to slide in our relationships because this seems to get the other person to notice us or seems to keep the other happy with us. But allowing such things can actually be detrimental to our relationships.
If we should not settle for these, where then should we turn to be watered?
Where can we go to be truly seen?
One place we can always turn is Scripture. Isaiah 43:4 tells us the following: “You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.” Who is it that is speaking these words to you? Who is it that describes you as precious in His eyes? It is the one Person who always sees you; God is always looking on you in love. He knows of the feminine need to be seen, for He was the one Who created that need in us.
Although there are ways of meeting that need in the friends and family He has gifted us with, ultimately, He is the only One who will completely satisfy our longing to be seen, noticed, known, and loved. John Paul II once gave an address directed particularly to us young people. In this moving speech, he told us the following: “It is Jesus in fact that you seek when you dream of happiness; he is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; he is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is he who provokes you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is he who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is he who reads in your hearts your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle.” (Emphasis added - the entire address can be found here: https://www.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/speeches/2000/jul-sep/documents/hf_jp-ii_spe_20000819_gmg-veglia.html)
Deep down, I think we all realize just how true John Paul II’s words are: It is Jesus that we seek when we wish to be truly and fully seen. It is Jesus that we seek when we dream of happiness. We might try to settle for other things, but we know that they will never fully satisfy us.
So, we now return to our original question: Do you see me? Although we often turn to the world to answer this question, the world will never be able to completely answer it. But, if we turn to God with this question, we will be given the following answer: “Yes, I see you. I always see you. You are precious in My eyes.”
With love, your writer,
Anna